


Chance and Choice

by skriftlig



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-24
Updated: 2011-09-24
Packaged: 2017-10-24 00:23:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/256761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skriftlig/pseuds/skriftlig
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is well-known that Severus Snape played a big part on both wizarding wars, but hardly anything else is known about his life. This is the story of the man I knew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chance and Choice

**Author's Note:**

> Written as a pinch-hit for the hp_spring_fling fest on Livejournal.

Severus Snape shared two Unbreakable Vows in his lifetime. They were both with me.

One of them he made on my request, two years before he died, and he swore to protect my son from the Dark Lord's plans. The other was made when we were younger and the force of the Death Eaters was swirling around us for the first time.

It was an exciting time for me. For all of us, actually. We had finished school with hopes of a new world, where witches and wizards wouldn't have to hide their talents and themselves. We believed in blood purity and magical superiority. Of course, more than a few of us would turn against these ideals before the end, but at the time, we would have died for them.

I met Lucius in his final year at Hogwarts and we we married three years later. Life at The Manor was almost exactly as I expected: grand, opulent and boring. Lucius was a big supporter of the Dark Lord and we began hosting regular meetings and dinners for other pure-blood families. Lucius tried to convince them to join our cause and I was happy to have some new company.

A year or so later, I saw Severus at one of these evenings. He was just out of school, with long greasy hair that hung over his eyes and a face that looked like it hadn't yet grown into its features. I remember seeing him standing with Lucius against a wall in the drawing room, slightly apart from everyone else. It struck me that they were complete opposites: my husband standing proudly, with his white pony-tail swept away from his face, while Severus seemed awkward, almost hunched forwards, and allowed his greasy hair to fall over his eyes.

It took many months before Severus and I spoke, though he was always attentive: holding the door for me and standing in my presence. When we did speak he revealed nothing of himself to me and I never asked him for details of his life. I regret that now. As Potter said at his funeral: "the real Severus was so deeply hidden that perhaps no one ever knew him at all."

I met several other followers of the Dark Lord over the coming months. I remember them all (I would have been a fountain of useful information on Death Eater members if the Ministry had ever thought to ask me) but one stands out in particular: Evan Rosier, whose father had apparently been at Hogwarts with the Dark Lord himself. Whether it was his family connection or his excellent service that made the Dark Lord favour him, I could not say, but he was certainly treated better than the others. Nor could I say who this favouritism annoyed more, my angry husband or my jealous sister.

We had regular balls - always held at grand houses, often the homes of the Death Eaters' latest Muggle victims - that provided us opportunities to celebrate our growing successes. The Dark Lord was gaining followers - and not just among witches and wizards - and gaining influence in powerful places.

It was the evening of one of these balls when I entered my first Unbreakable Vow with Severus. I'd grown bored with the talk of tactics to get the giants to join our side, and I left to explore the house we were using this time. It wasn't very exciting - the pictures in the hallway didn't move and the grandfather clock just told the time. I remember thinking that the main staircase was not even half the size of the one at The Manor, and with a far poorer view, when I heard them. They had left a door from the hallway slightly ajar and not bothered with any wards. I realized later they had probably been too busy.

I walked inside. The lights were off so I could only make out shadowed movements and hear the occasional muffled sound. When somebody groaned I lit my wand with a panicked _Lumos_.

The room was small and stuffy, with walls covered by cupboards and a small table in the middle. Two men were standing the other side it, pressed closely together. I recognized Severus' long hair even though he was facing away from me, and when the second man moved, I also recognized Evan.

Evan's robe was open and his bare chest rose and fell heavily. It must have taken me a full ten seconds before I could tear my eyes away to notice the wand in his hand. It was pointed directly at my head and I shut my eyes instinctively.

“ _Imp-_ ”

“No!”

When I opened my eyes, Severus was standing in front of me, his back to Evan, blocking me from view. I couldn't see Evan's face, but Severus' dark eyes bore into my own. His head was angled down at me and his hair framed his face in a sort of black halo.

“She cannot be allowed to leave,” Evan said dangerously.

Severus just shook his head and continued to stare at me. More strands of black hair fell across his face and stuck there. One of them splayed over his lips and I noticed they were swollen.

“Severus. She is married to Lucius,” Evan's voice became agitated. “He'd betray us in an instant.”

“No.”

Severus turned back to Evan. I thought they would fight. I still don't know who would have won; they were both extremely good duelers. The Dark Lord relied on them heavily to carry out his orders in those days. As it turned out, for Severus at least, so would Dumbledore.

“She won't say anything,” Severus said, turning back to me. “I'll take the Unbreakable Vow with her, okay?”

I can't remember moving, but suddenly I found myself holding Severus' hand while Evan stood between us, casting strands of light that twisted over our arms. The pantry felt even smaller than before, if that was possible. I swore never to reveal what I'd seen, nor to betray any suspicions I had of their relationship to anyone. I'm sure it's only because they're both dead that I am even able to tell you now.

I watched them carefully from that day onwards. The only times I saw them together were at Death Eater meetings, so I offered to host more of them at the Manor. Lucius was delighted I'd taken a more active role in serving our Lord. However, I was disappointed. I thought I'd see a lingering touch or a lustful look from one of them, but they gave no sign that they were intimate. Now that Potter has revealed Severus' role as a spy and I know the depths of his Occlumency skills, I'm not surprised.

For a while things carried on as they were. The Dark Lord's name instilled fear across the country. I wondered often about Evan and Severus during the tines I didn't see them: what were they doing? Were they still together? What would happen to them if they were ever caught?

At one point, I convinced myself they had run away together. In fact I was almost angry to see Severus again at the next meeting. I never mentioned my silly idea to him but somehow he guessed what I'd thought anyway. He laughed at me and said it was ridiculous, but I am sure that, for a moment, he entertained the idea. Unfortunately, we got wind of what happened to Regulus Black some weeks later and neither of us ever mentioned the topic again.

I gave birth to my beautiful son in June and asked Severus to be his godfather. With some reluctance he accepted and we spent more time together. Gradually he began to open up to my questions. One time he even confessed he had been rejected by someone he loved when he was younger. He refused to acknowledge he had feelings for Evan, but I was certain he would soon admit to it.

That never happened. Things changed forever during one Death Eater meeting just before Christmas.

I remember it was a bleak evening. Rain fell in a pathetic drizzle, barely visible when I looked out of the windows, but heavy enough for the Death Eaters' boots to leave a damp trail over my entrance hall floor. I was spelling the mess away when I heard raised voices and heavy footsteps approaching and I ducked behind a statue.

“Severus.” Evan's voice was strained and desperate and pleading. I suddenly didn't want to hear this conversation. “Don't. Don't do anything stupid.”

“I have to warn her,” he rasped. The depth of his desperation engulfed me, even one floor down.

“Why? There's nothing you can do now. Stay here.”

There was silence for a while, the sound of heavy breathing all that could be heard. When Severus spoke, his voice was bitter.

“You want her to die.”

“No! I just don't want you to waste your life living some fantasy.”

There was a sharp crash of something heavy hitting a wall and Severus suddenly strode to the front door and wrenched it open. It smashed into the wall, the sound echoing around the entrance hall. I pressed further behind the statue, but Severus didn't even look my way as he passed me. He stormed down the pathway, black robe billowing out behind him.

“Severus! Wait!”

Evan raced to the open door and paused on the threshold, but Severus didn't even look back. He Apparated as soon as he was outside the wards. Evan stood absolutely still for such a long time, I began to shiver from the cold air from outside. His left arm was frozen reaching out to the empty Manor grounds in front of him. When he finally turned and came back inside, I was terrified to look at him; if he'd caught me I don't know what he would have done. But once I saw the look on his face I couldn't look anywhere else. Such pain even the Dark Lord himself couldn't have elicited with the strongest Cruciatus Curse. I have known since that night that Evan Rosier was in love with Severus Snape.

I didn't speak to Severus after that; he didn't visit me or stay behind after Death Eater meetings any more - not even for Draco's first birthday - but seemed to move as if only half-present. I think I was the only one to notice his thinning face or lifeless eyes. Then the Dark Lord fell, and Aurors were given permission to use Unforgivables on those they suspected of Death Eater activity - a laughable attempt to make up for their prior cowardice. Of course they visited The Manor, but Lucius pleaded Imperius and I had never taken the Mark so went unscathed. I heard nothing about Evan until The Prophet reported his death. Instantly I felt a strange need to see his body. I thought that no one else would and somehow, though we never had any particular friendship when he was alive, the fact that I knew his secret made us closer.

I got information quite easily about where Evan and Wilkes had been found and Apparated to the small forest in Devon. I was only wearing my thin indoor cloak and the wind blew right through, chilling me. It was also easy to find the bodies. The Aurors were never subtle, and Alastair Moody must have been the worst of the bunch. Bushes were trampled around the scene and blades of grass stained with red were bent and broken.

Evan's eyes were still open. He looked like he was gazing far away, watching something in the distance. His arms were outstretched, in a cruel imitation of when he had watched Severus walk away. The snake on his forearm was still, it's black body hanging loosely from empty eye sockets.

It is a cliché, I know, but I really did feel my heart begin to ache then. I can only compare it to the pain I felt when I learnt of Draco's mission in his sixth year at Hogwarts. The weight of Evan's need for Severus in the last moments I had seen him clawed at me and I stumbled back a few steps. I couldn't even bear to close his eyes, I was so desperate to leave that place.

I drew my cloak around me and pictured clearly the safety of my bedroom. I spun, but before I fully disappeared something bright caught my eye. It could have been the reflection of the sun on the leaves, or even the glistening water on a lake that I hadn't noticed earlier. But for a moment, before I left the forest forever, I was absolutely certain it was the shape a silver deer.


End file.
